Current Fastest Time

56:11 by Onin

Intro/Mines

Pick up the Halo, then head straight to the Mines. It doesn't matter how fast you do this part, since you're bound by an elevator timer at the start of the Mines. Just make sure to survive the boulders.
Upon entering the Mines, drop down one screen on the left side, kill the goblin, then kill the snake on the right side with the bow. Wait for the elevator and ride it up, and take the downtime to arrange your hotbar and screw around a bit. Pick up the Fire magic quest, then head back to the elevator shaft, and drop down two screens to the right. Kill the blacksmith at the top, pick up his bellows, the anvil, and the green weapon from the chest. Head down one screen, clear out all the goblins, pick up the blacksmithing hammer. Then b-line to the boss.
On Dynidon, switch to the blacksmithing hammer. Just after he starts his attack, jump and swing, then swing again when you land; with perfect timing, you can hit him twice per attack. Either way, he should die in one attack cycle.
You will need as much good drops from the mandatory kills in this area as possible. You might consider killing excess goblins for more drops, but it may not be worth the risk.

Shopping/Sewers

Head to Zoran. Buy 1 Heat scroll, 4 Zoran teleport scrolls, 6 Return teleport scrolls, and as many Phase Door scrolls as you can "afford" (between 1 and 3, depending on the sell value of drops you've gotten). Destroy all the barrels in this screen and loot both chests, then head to the Cook. There, buy 50 blue essences and one Cook teleport scroll.
Head towards the Sewers. While fighting Momoku, you can hit 4 arrows per phase, then use the downtime to arrange your scrolls onto your hotbar without losing time. Pray to RNGsus that a thief doesn't steal your 40 coins. In the next room, gather the final pieces of wood and, if necessary, enough experience for level 2. Also pick up all Wands of Frostbolt on your way. Proceed to the west entrance of the sewers; use phase doors to save time here. Pick up the ferns quest, then go into the store and buy a Fireball tome (if you can't afford it, an alternative is to buy a teleport to sewers scroll and pick it up later).
Cast Return to the ferns quest, and head for the eastern entrance (again picking up all wands on route). After the first room of goblins, take a detour left into the room with crows to pick up a unique sword (hidden in the walls on the left). Proceed to the sewers, pick up and complete the ice elemental quest using one wand of frostbolts. Summon your new pet, then head to the boss area without falling down anywhere.
In the volcano area, use a new wand of frostbolts to clear any enemies that get in your way. Don't bother breaking them for loot. When you arrive at Drakonis, draw your third wand, position your pet properly, and demolish the guy.

Gardens

This is as good a time as any to hand in the Fire quest (with a Return scroll, ofcourse). Afterward, head to Zoran and stock up on 5 Heat scrolls and 7 Phase Door scrolls, then head to the Gardens.
On route to the Gardens, loot another chest with a green weapon, and use 4 of your phase doors to skip the shiny corridor. Make a small detour to pick up the plants quest, then head to the gate, making another detour for the speed potions. After unlocking the gate, teleport back to the Mines, and use the Televator glitch on the plants quest to sequence break into the Catacombs. On the right of the room you fall into is a breakable wall; one screen right and two screens down you enter the room with the necronomicon. Jump over it to avoid the skeletons trigger.
While waiting for the elevator, you can kill the five floating eyes for some free experience, and spend some more time arranging your hotbar. Ride the elevator up to the gate and unlock it. Then visit the shop, buy a trident, a bow, and as many arrows as you can afford. Head right, and use two phase doors to skip past the undead mobs so you can pick up the Divine Favour now. Now return to the Gardens.
While summoning Arborus, draw your new trident and summon your pet, then abuse the infinite attacking glitch at its max range to damage him. If he casts his meteor shower, simply reposition if you happen to get hit. If he casts his nose beams, hide behind your pet to avoid taking damage (make sure to resummon your pet if necessary to keep it alive). If he casts wasps, you may want to cast a heat scroll for protection, but you don't always need it. Most important is to avoid getting hit by the green brambles; get a good idea for the visual cues.

Library

If you haven't already, start keeping an eye out for thieves. Somewhere along the run, you need to kill one and get a Strange Scroll drop from it. Usually there is a thief at Zoran that you can kill just as you teleport there; otherwise, find places where you can wait for them to spawn. Your first chance is here, as you'll want to teleport to Zoran and pick up another 10-11 phase doors.
Head into the Library, killing every monster conveniently in your way while doing so; you need both the money and the experience at this stage. Be careful never to aggro more than one ogre at a time, they hurt a lot. While here, do the quest for the Slicering halberd using a phase door and a return scroll to bypass the fire. To easily beat Leviathos, summon your pet in the room before him, run to the edge of the platform, then take a few steps back while your pet casts a frostbolt and turn around again. This will park your pet in front of you and make him tank every shot as well as the pulling spell, allowing you to easily pick Leviathos off.
In the next room, you can easily take care of the skeletons by jumping on the ledge to the left and picking them off with infinite attacking trident. Skip past the room with the scorpions, beetles and orcs, as it's too risky to do any farming here. After crossing the next room, cast a Heat scroll to get rid of the pesky bats and make going up easier. Finally, open the gate at the top, then head into the shop to buy the Windbreaker bow; these two are the only reason to head up here. If you have excess gold, you could also consider buying a red candle.

Catacombs

Move back to the Catacombs, and head into the room east of the shop again. Stand by the first ladder, cast a Heat scroll, then go down and run around a bit to spawn all the undead. Hang off the ladder out of reach of their attacks, and do some inventory management while you wait for everything to die. You can wait for Thief spawns here if you still need a strange scroll.
Repeat the process 2 more times. You should end up at level 6 and with around 25 casts of your Light spell. If you have all this, move back to the elevator, and use the televator glitch on the ferns quest, aiming at approximately one fourth from the top of the screen. You should arrive in the corridor below the quest giver, allowing you to go left and fall into a different part of the Catacombs. Head right, pass through the door, then use phase scrolls to travel through the blood river towards the boss.
Sux Mortis is very straight-forward. Just dodge all his attacks while casting Light at it at every opportunity. Be aware that after his death animation, his scythes can still hurt you.

Lab/Prison

Teleport to the Cook, and spend all your money on red essences (around 700 of them). Any remaining money can be spent on phase doors. Teleport to the Gardens and make your way to the Laboratory. The 'hanging gardens' room can be easily cleared with use of a heat scroll, and doing so allows a safer (and potentially faster) entry into the Lab: hang off the ladder, wait for the scientist to hit your heat aura and turn around, then phase door past him. At best, you'll catch the elevator cycle; at worst, you can position your pet to take his aggro when you do get on the elevator, making this room much safer.
B-line straight to the prison, and straight to the boss room. Stand on the right edge of the platform and barrage Gauntlik with simulcasted bow shots and fireballs, then get in position for whichever attack he's chosen: for rock, stay at the edge and move as little as possible while avoiding his attack; for paper, stand in the middle and run along the center lasers; for scissors, stand in the center, then as soon as the first slice sounds, phase door behind him and start attacking him. Avoid using fireballs while he's still close, as you can easily kill yourself, and any damage you take will stop the next fireball cast anyway. If you're lucky, you can kill him in one scissors phase; at worst luck, three phases should do it.

Halls

If you don't have a strange scroll yet, save first, then teleport to zoran, kill the thief, and reset as necessary until you get a strange scroll drop. Also stock up on phase doors so you have at least 25, and make sure you have one heat scroll left. Then head into the Halls.
Almost all screens in the Halls can be crossed using phase doors. The exceptions are the first two rooms; the room with the gate loses you time, while the room after that has a spellcaster that interrupts you. If you're unlucky you can get hit by a smile while going down a ladder; if you do, unequip your bow quickly, then just continue. Head into Medeox's lair.
After summoing Medeox, climb up to the top-right platform. Set your aim to the fifth snake from the left, then spam fireballs until all his snakes are dead (reaim when necessary). Then aim at Medeox himself, and barrage him with simulcasted arrows and fireballs. If he hoovers too close to you, you might want to switch to arrows only; he is very likely to troll you and move up for his laser attack, which instantly kills you while you're stuck in attack animations. Turn to the left when he does that attack, and if he's near half hp, take the time to use a heat scroll; it'll take care of the ghosts he summons in his second phase.

Tower

After Medeox dies, head up to the Library and pass on into the Tower. Learn how to move through this area quickly, learn all the pixel-perfect jumps, and learn how to avoid the ghosts; if they steal your trident, you'll be sad, and if they steal your Slicering, you're gonna have to reset. Very carefully head up to the Tower shop; you want to kill all (or most of) the spiders in these three rooms, but they're very likely to screw you over as they fall onto you from the darkness. The best way to handle them is to stand on the edge of a platform, so they won't fall onto you, but down past you.
Once you make it to the shop, buy an Invoke Fire Spirit tome, and stock up on arrows. Proceed to the right to clear out more spiders, then down to unlock the gate. Reset the game, and continue farming spiders until you're level 10. Once you are, head left and down so you can avoid having to pass the ghosts again, and enter the Wizards' Tower.

Wizards Tower

The wizard tower can best be summarized in terms of strategies when dealing with the monsters:

• Blue Wizard + Eye: Wait until the wizard faces away from you, then phase door past them. You can attempt to shoot the eye before it Slows you, but success is inconsistent.
• Blue Wizard: Run past them, they're not very dangerous.
• Red Wizard: Kill him, let your pet kill his fire elementals.
• Gelitanious Cube: Phase door past it. Resummon your pet before it dies to the DoT.
• Purple Wizard: Stand underneath its platform, clear any skeletons that are in the way, cast fire spirits, wait patiently.

For the room with two gelitanious cubes, you'll want to pull them back a small distance before using the phase door, so that you can use the ladder to get past them.
Once you reach the gate, open it, then teleport back to the Mines, and use the televator glitch on the strange scroll. Move to the right, clear out the elf boss, then break the two power gems. Teleport back up to the Wizard Tower, trigger the final quest, and wait for the game to realize you've already beaten it.